Dear A,
The past 9 months have been the happiest, most exhilarating of my life. The moment we met, we were both crying—you because you had bravely leapt into a bright, strange world, and me because, after hours of waiting and pushing, it only took one instant for all of my hopes, dreams, and wishes to become tangible, all in the form of you. The only words I remember are “She’s beautiful,” whispered by your father, as I finally got to hold you close. I stared and smiled and cried. This is the moment I became a mother, and I will never forget it.
Everyone says that you will grow up too quickly, and it’s a sentiment I didn’t understand until I was living it. Already you are no longer the little newborn who would sleep in my arms all day. You make me wish I had the ability to overcome the concept of time itself, so that I could rewind and relive all your sweet milestones, or fast forward so I don't have to wait one more minute to see who you become. Or pause, I really want to pause. Each new stage you enter is my new favorite, although I am sure I will say that about each and every one.
Sometimes I sit and stare at you as you sleep, watching your chest rise and fall. Sometimes when you smile and laugh, I almost want to cry, so overcome with emotions of how you are so completely perfect, and how I am simply lucky. As comforting as I know I am to you, you are the same to me. A rough day is made better the second I see your face and hold you in my arms.
I often think about how motherhood has changed me, and how I continue to want to change, in order to be the best mom I can be for you. You have taught me to be patient and that planning isn’t everything. You have taught me that making mistakes isn’t weak, it is how to learn. You have shown me that responsibility has a stronger definition than I ever imagined. You have shown me all the happiness my heart can hold in a single smile or laugh. I want to become stronger, kinder, and wiser for you.
Life before you was simple, easy. The house was clean, and I was always on time (read: early). I never had spit up on my clothes, never had worry about childproofing the kitchen or the stairs. I’d never find a pacifier with my purse while at work, or carry small toys and Puffs with me everywhere.
But now I can’t imagine my life any other way.
I wish I could hold your hand for all the scary parts of life and protect you from any insults and disappointments that you may face. I wish I could make it so you would never fail and never have your heartbroken. But I know that as you experience these uncomfortable situations and continue to grow, you will have resiliency and strength.
On Mother's Day, I wanted to reflect on the joy you bring to my life and the gift you are to me. This time last year, your dad and I would sit, wondering what you would be like and who you would look like. That time seems so far away. We sat wondering about you, but never stopped to think about how we would change because of you. You, my dear, are perfect, and I feel lucky to be your mom.
On Mother's Day, I wanted to reflect on the joy you bring to my life and the gift you are to me. This time last year, your dad and I would sit, wondering what you would be like and who you would look like. That time seems so far away. We sat wondering about you, but never stopped to think about how we would change because of you. You, my dear, are perfect, and I feel lucky to be your mom.
Being your mother is the most important line on my resume. It is the title I hold most close to my heart and the one I think of most often. As you grow older, know that I will always love you, no matter what. Even on the days you don’t really like me, know that I am always trying my best, working my hardest for you. You mean everything to me and that will never change.
Love, Mom
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